Catholic, Gay, and Feeling Fine, Thanks: Part 1

By Sonja Corbitt
11/9/2011
Catholic Online (www.catholic.org)

What is same sex attraction and how should it be approached?

The persecution and bigotry from both sides of the issue proceed, partly, from misunderstanding. Steve Gershom's simultaneous Catholicity and SSA are what is so compelling about his message. Ultimately he beautifully illustrates the tension between the beauty of faith and honest acknowledgment of the frail, wounded humanity in which we all live without pretending it does not exist or giving it sway over him.

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NASHVILLE, TN (Catholic Online) - What does it really mean to be "gay"? I read a science article this week that proposed two African penguins were gay because they had formed a close male-to-male bond, but I have several questions about what some call "gay" animals.

Have the animals actually attempted to have sex? Do they habitually attempt to have same-gender sex? Are these penguins "attracted" to one another sexually, is theirs simply a particularly close filial bond, or are they routinely attracted to other male penguins?

Such questions about same-sex attraction and its implications for human life are at the heart of a wonderful new-ish blog by Steve Gershom, "Catholic, Gay, and Feeling Fine, Thanks." He blogs under a pseudonym about his personal conviction and experience as a deeply Catholic man who struggles with same sex attraction (SSA). A twenty-something from New England, "Steve" graduated from a Catholic liberal arts college an intellectual with a literature degree, but now works in internet technology.

A Holy Contradiction

He uses the terms "gay" and "Catholic" in the title of his blog to quickly communicate the main issue without wholly identifying with the "gay" moniker. Instead, Steve says he prefers "same sex attraction" as the more useful term.

He details the choice of designation in the Q&A section of his blog where he shares the difficulties of living out his Catholicity in a modern world, but it all comes down to the controversy dividing the openly gay and the Church - that of identity. More on that in a moment, but Steve prefers to say "he has SSA" rather than "he is SSA."

This is because Steve is celibate, and has always chosen to be so. I know because he was kind enough to grant me an interview recently. Although a young male with a virile baritone, he was never in the gay lifestyle and has never had a boyfriend or relationship with a man, a fact even he finds "almost literally incredible."

"I feel as if God has kept me protected," he says with a thankful wonder that I share, though this protection is not particularly surprising. Purity seems to be the priceless, fertile foundation from which God prefers to launch his message of love into a longing world.

The Human Struggle

"I used to think being gay meant being a different kind of person altogether -- like a third gender. These days I think that it's something I have, not something I am," he says, but it would be a mistake to think he says this out of a belief in the superficiality of "having" same sex attraction. It is a profound, ongoing, personal conflict he no doubt shares with those within the gay lifestyle who know no other way to articulate the absolute depth of "being gay" than by equating it with "who they are."

But this is part of what makes Steve's struggle so poignant, because although with the Church he refuses to take on the identity of "being gay" as though it could completely define him (and his freedom to choose celibacy proves it does not), he does so while maintaining that his SSA is so deeply rooted as to be an integral part of his personality.

"Obviously from the inside it's something very strong. I don't know if it's possible to change it, because in most cases it's extremely deeply rooted. I don't think it's any easier for a straight guy to imagine being attracted to men than it is for me to be attracted to women."

Steve believes part of the reason gay activists talk and behave so militantly, sometimes violently, and most often flamboyantly toward Christians is because most Christians fail to understand that "it goes down into the core of you. To speak of SSA as though it were not deeply rooted is almost comical."

Reaching Beyond Bigotry

The persecution and bigotry from both sides of the issue proceed, partly, from this misunderstanding. "Gay people who make it their whole identity do so because of the actual persecution they experience. They're gay and proud of it; they're being flamboyant to show all the bigots. Frankly, I even respect that. It's incredibly wrongheaded, but starting from the axioms that they start from, it seems the appropriate thing to do. On the one hand discrimination [against gays] is not the same as [racial] discrimination against blacks, but I can see why gay people feel that way." Indeed.

But the militancy and bigotry inherent on both sides also stems from the reluctance of Christians with SSA to talk freely and honestly about it, and Christians without SSA to acknowledge the prevalence of SSA in both Christian and secular society. It is a prevalence Steve calls an epidemic:

"In a sense the knowledge is improving tremendously, but religious people still talk about people with SSA as ...

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1 - 10 of 118 Comments

Bible
1 year ago
Regarding this issue I do encourage you to read Leviticus 18.

If you are in a hurry Leviticus 18:22 is straight to the point.

Regards
Bulbajer
1 year ago
Pete, you don't have to know whether a certain person is homosexual, no. But you should be aware of the complex set of moral questions, confidence problems, discrimination, and temptation that homosexuals face that are, in general, less known than your average heterosexual personal issues. I think this man is trying to make people more aware of gays in general, not himself being gay.
vance
1 year ago
Pete Brady, I've asked the same question. I know many out here who don't want to know and don't care to know if someone is homosexual.
Pete Brady
1 year ago
Just one question: Why do any of us HAVE TO know that anyone else is "homosexual" or has a "same-sex attraction?"
JeanCatherine
1 year ago
Alice

The Courage Apostolate was instituted in New York City by Cardinal Cooke I believe and he appointed Father John Harvey to work with those with Same Sex Attraction. This is the best promotion I can give to everyone in the Catholic Community for understanding and compassion.

Please also look up Same Sex Attraction at Jean'sBistro2010's blog for other information.

The church also wrote an excellent Pastoral Paper regarding those who struggle with Same Sex Attraction please look for it on the USCCB or the Web. You maybe able to link or find it through Jean'sBistro2010's blog.

God Bless to everyone. Keep the faith and let us all be literate in Christ.
Judy
1 year ago
Hi Bulbajer and Alice: I will answer Bulbajer by saying, to both he and Alice: Alice's last articulation was great! Blessings.... Happpy Thanksgiving!
Alice
1 year ago
Judy, I didn't say the Church was out of date, I said that many secular counsellors find the Church "out of date" and are therefore often unhelpful to struggling individuals who seek guidance there while trying to discern the root cause of their SSA. They fail to see the conflict between SSA and faith, when they discount the Church as "out of date". I do not believe the Church is out of date. I do however believe that on some levels we are failing to communicate the great depth of truth that we have, because we jump straight to the call for repentance BEFORE we see the whole person in love as Jesus did. We seem to do this on many ethical and moral issues, when we are speaking to those with genuinely seeking hearts. Perhaps it is because we fear engaging in discussion on an issue that disgusts or threatens us. If we truly believe that we have a message of truth and love, then we have nothing to fear. Perhaps we sometimes comment too quickly without taking the care to properly understand the other's meaning.
vance
1 year ago
Alice, I'd like to follow up on one note. A person who has SSA can approach the "Laity" to get counseling and support if the individual has a sincere attitude to help himself. I agree that it would be difficult to approach family and friends with "I have SSA". People who say, "I have SSA and this is who I am" will be met with consternation and disappointment. BUT if the individual were to say, " I have SSA and I want you to help me out because I don't like it and I don't want anything to do with it", he would be greeted with the same enthusiasm as one who helps an elderly person across the street. At the end of the day, it is up to the individual to make a full effort to "Overcome" this dilemma. Contrary to the popular lie that Homosexuality is incureable, Not true. It is cureable with daily rosaries, frequent confessions, and receiving holy communion. It is like all addictions. They are cureable spiritually. If a person with SSA falls into temptation and sin, he needs to pick himself back up and continue to fight. When we were all kids, we learned to ride a bike, roller skate, or ski. But when we fell down, we all got back up and continued to ride our bicycles. It is the same principal. God bless.
Bulbajer
1 year ago
Judy, what was wrong with Alice's comment?
Judy
1 year ago
Sonja: Very good article to get so many responding. However, I have to ask: (1) What Church do you go to? Mine is not nearly so "out-of-date" w/Christ's Teaching. (2) Are you a Liberal Catholic? (If not, why did you make the remark to Alice to, "Preach it." (3) Are you an advocate of Equal Marriage? I know that you do not have to answer my questions. However, a good journalist stands behind what she writes to let her audience know where she is coming from. Blessings Always...

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